Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna.
I'm not rich but yesterday I donated my iPhone, watch and wallet to a homeless guy. You can't imagine the happiness that I felt as I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket.🤫😂 KINDNESS IS EVERYTHING
It's so simple to be wise, just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
3 to 4 beers per day significantly reduces your risk of giving a shit.
SIX is just 9 without S
There are two rules in life; 1.Never give out all the information
Do you know that when a short person wave at you, it's called a MICROWAVE.
I do whatever the voice in my wife's head tell me to do.
I like to have my cake and eat it too. I would also like to have your cake and eat it too.
Don't be ashamed of who you are, that's your parents job.
Friendship is all about maintaining a balance between roasting each other and teaming up to roast others.
Please keep voice massage short, it's a voice note, not a podcast.
If your left hand is cut then your right hand is left.
Do not believe all the things you tell yourself late at night.
I have never ever seen any alcohol company use a drunk person for any advert. Are they ashamed of their customers?
I saw two guys wearing matching outfits and asked if they were gay? They arrested me.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance.
Books are just TV for smart people.
I don't have a welcome mat at my door because i am not a liar
Roses are dead, love is fake, wedding are basically funerals with cake.